Back to the start with a new mate [TAG: Jane]

Esmeralda ended up on the same beech where she had met Odette before. She wondered what had happened. Probably one of Eris' tricks, she tought.

Esmeralda shivered. Was it ever gonna be this way, with this damned godess deciding where she would be and with who. Speaking of wich, she turned around to see if any of the woman she had met was here with her. She noticed the presence of the young Jane and sighted, a bit releived. Jane was quite used to this island, which definitly was a good point.

"Does it always happen like that? I mean, Eris, does she always do that sort of things?" asked Esmeralda.

Jane shook her head. She looked around. This place was new to her. "Before I fell asleep... We were able to go everywhere on the island we wanted to go. I guess it has something to do with the changes. I'm not sure... Eris and Hades like to play a lot. WE need to wait and see what happens next.", her view fell on the mask in her hand. That she still had it, doesn't made her feel more comfortable.

"I wonder where the others went... or had to go.", she mumbled. Jane walked towards the sea and slipped out of her shoes. She lifted her dress a bit and went into the cold and icy water. The pain of the iciness that run through her body made her bit her lower lip. Jane ignored it and stared out into nowhere. She was still on an island. With people she barely knew, with some she felt like she knew them for years.

Changings, gods, godesses, sleep, game... Esmeralda felt more and more angry about all of that. How did it come she had ended up in this akward situation? And the worst was that she couldn't do anything about it. She felt powerless, just like when she had faced the judges in this parody of trial months ago. "Merveilleux!" she ironically grumbled, kicking in the sand out of frustration.

Esmeralda ran her hand trough her hair and turned her head to look at her mate. Jane seemed to be lost in her thoughts, as if none of what affected Esmerala could reach her. The gypsy sighted and walked to the shore. "You seem to really care about Megara, don't you?" she said lightly, also looking at the horizon.

Jane slowly turned her head to Esmeralda and smiled softly. "I do.", she turned back, staring out at the sea. "I met her first, as we shipwrecked here... I don't know, I just felt comfortable at her side. And she needs someone to care for her.", Jane shook her head slightly. "A lot of the people on the island had some troubles in their lives.", Jane took her shoes and walked out of the cold water. She went to a stone and sat down. "Even I... had some problems. Not with other people. More with myself, I know now.", Jane tilted her head. "What about you?"

Esmeralda's gaze slowly went down while listening to Jane talking about her friend. She was a bit envious of their relationship and wondered if she would be able to completely trust anyone enough to make a real friend one day.

Her eyes followed Jane when she went to sat on a rock. A chill ran up her spine when her mate questioned her about her past and she started to feel pain in her stomack. She was unprepared for such a question.

She turned back to the sea and took a few minutes to answer. The sea spray calmed her down a bit. She took a deep breath before saying: "Let's say that the last months haven't been the best of my life."

Still gazing at the unlimitedness of water, lost in her thoughts, she added: "I haven't always be like that, you know. Before, I was a really merry person."

Jane nodded. "I changed a lot... again on this island.", she stroke over stomach as it growled. Jane sighed. A short thought appeared in her head, but she shook it away. No, couldn't be possible. "I was a very social person in my younger years...", her view fell on the slow waving waves. "I just... changed. And now I'm here.", Jane laughed quietly. "And everything seems to change again.", she looked at Esmeralda and tilted her head. "Make sure you change the way you want to change.", Jane tightened the cloak around her. She shivered slightly and closed her eyes. The weakness hadn't disappeared yet. More or less to her annoyance.

Still facing the ocean, Esmeralda turned her head to listen to Jane. She slowly shook her head and let a sad laugh out. "It's not that simple." She added with a poor smile: "You might have had that luck but... I don't know, I just..." She couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't know how to explain it but she felt that she would probably never be able to get back to who she used to be. And that feeling was often making her sad. Of course now she was strong and people could hardly hurt her; but love, affection and warmth had also disapeared from her life.

Esmeralda noticed that Jane didn't feel well. "Are you sure you're alright?" she asked.

Jane tilted her head from side to side. "I don't know... I'm feeling weak and tired. But it could just be from the long sleep and the days without food. I'm not sure. I don't feel ill.", she looked up to Esmeralda and smiled softly. "Don't worry about me. I lived long enough on my own to die from something trivial like this.", she sighed. "I actually was on my way to a different island as we shipwrecked here. I wanted to look for new plants and animals.", the ocean still kept her attention from time to time. "I would have been out of a lot of trouble if I wouldn't have shipwrecked here. And I'm not talking about Eris.", Jane slipped into her shoes and walked to Esmeralda. She tightened her cloak. "So... Do you like to know something more? About me? About the island? Something else?"

Esmeralda wasn't really convinced that Jane was fine but she decided not to mention it since Jane didn't seem to want to talk about it.

While listening to Jane, she pushed her bare feet into the sand to try to warm them up. She raised her head saying: "Looking for plants and animals? So you're some kind of scientist, aren't you? I guess that your knowledge have been helpful here."

After hearing Jane's question, she added with an helpless shrug and a bit irritated tone: "Yes, indeed there are so many thing I'd like to know! Like how to get out of here, who're exacty Eris and Hades, are they going to release us someday, why did they choose us, what are those masks for, how did you all managed to survive that long, is there a chance that we might die, what sort of games those damned gods want to play, did someone try to fight against them?" She had set out all of those questions one after the other without even breathing between each of them, which caused her to pant when she finally stopped.

She gathered herself. What was happening wasn't Jane's fault so there was no need for Esmeralda to pass her nerves on her. She passed her hand on her forehead. "I,.. I'm sorry, I just hate feeling powerless."

She bit her lower lip. "Let's go getting something to eat." she added as an apologise.

Jane smiled and nodded. "I'm a professor for animals and plants. Thanks to my father I was allowed to study at an English university after... some difficulties I had with my fiancé.", she stroke a strain of her hair back behind her ear.

Softly she touched Esmeralda's shoulder. "I don't know how the escape from here, but I can say, that there is a chance to die. When Eris or Hades like to do so. But... As long as you keep them satisfied in playing their games... I think you'll be safe. Though I can't say what kind of games we will play with those masks.", Jane lifted hers and looked at it. "It could be fun or end up worse.", she shrugged. "How we survived?", Jane smiled softly. "I don't know. Just tried. And Rose...", Jane shook her head. "I can't say. I guess Eris got interrupted in her game, that's why we are still alive. For the other questions... I can't answer them yet.", Jane sighed.

She turned around and looked at the beach. "Do you really think we'll be finding something to eat in here? Except fish?", she shivered.

Esmeralda sighted. Jane's calm appeased her. She smiled hearing her mate actually trying to answer to all of the questions she had asked out of anger. "Thank you" she muttered.

"I would have swam to get some fish but I think the water is too cold to take that risk. Last time, with Odette, we ate coconuts." she said pointing at a coconut palm. She massed her painful arm, remembering how they got the coconuts the day before.

"I would have prefer to hunt some animal in the forest but we couldn't go further than the first rows of trees. I guess now that it's one of those gods trick." She paused for a second and turned the head to Jane. "If I managed to go to the Oasis, maybe this time we can go to the forest?"

"I don't know. It might be not working again. You can try if you like.", Jane nodded motivationally. "I'm waiting here. Maybe coconuts won't be that bad for once.", she mumbled. Jane walked to a palm and leaned against it. She was tired again. Sighing she slipped down and sat on the sand.

"Is there someone you miss in the world out there?", she suddenly asked out of nowhere.

[OOC: Sry, for replying so spontaneously >.<" I get distracted a lot... With family and stuff, though I try to reply as fast as I can...]

[OOC: It's ok, dear, don't worry! We all have a real life out there, even I! ;D]

Esmeralda nodded. "Ok" She walked to a group of rocks, hoping to find much smaller stone among them, just like the last time, in case the strange barrier was still there. Once she found three of them, she turned around to face the forest and took a deep breath.
She walked with ferm steps toward the trees.
She passed by the first trees, like the day before.
Her heart beated faster.
She raised a hand in front of her, made another step... and couldn't finish it.

Esmeralda sighted, frustrated once more. She turned around hearing Jane's question and looked down. "I could have missed someone but I realized none of them was really worth it a few times ago." she answered with a bitter tone.

She took off her scarf and placed one of the stone she had found in its center, as if doing something concrete would help her to get rid of the all the unpleasant memories. "What about you? You talked about a fiancé if I'm not mistakening?" she asked, trying to divert the conversation from her past.

She made her scarf swirl, wich propulsed the stone up in the direction of a coconut. But she missed it and only the stone fell back down.

Jane looked at Esmeralda, while she tried to shoot down a coconut. She sighed. "My fiancé is married to a different woman. His own fault... Sometimes the English high society isn't easy. Especially when you get caught alone in a room with a virgin. I can't blame him, she was pretty and I'm still relieved I didn't need to marry him. There is just my father I miss.", Jane smiled softly.

"For me it's more... I don't want to leave this place. There is a man I met on this island. As long as I don't know... How he feels, what he wants, I'll be staying.", Jane smiled sadly. "This place changed my life way too much.", she stood up and walked towards the palm, Esmeralda had tried to get a coconut from. Jane took the stone and walked to Esmeralda. "Like to try again?", she reached her the small stone.

Esmeralda looked straight in Jane's eyes. "Men are decieving. It's in their nature." she stated with a cold tone. "I don't know who that man you met here is but, if you want my opinion, you'd better be careful." From what she had seen so far, Esmeralda thought that
Jane would have surely been better with Megara than with any man. She didn't meant to be aggressive though but she felt like she had to warn her.

She looked at the stone Jane had kindly picked up for her and a strange smile appeared on her face. She bit her lips and took the stone. "Yes, thank you..." She then turned her gaze to the top of the coconut plam and concentrate her toughts on what had happen to her. She represented this disgusting man intead of the coconut and throw the stone again, with all her strengh and rage... And hit the coconut which fell down at their feet.

Jane giggled. "Everyone is saying that... I mean... I know he's dangerous, he's a killer. But... Can you betray your heart?", she walked to Esmeralda and looked at the coconut on the ground. "Who's the man that makes you feel like this?", Jane tilted her head, looking at her.

"He's not... that bad, you know. Well, to me. Sometimes he might be rude, but he never...", Jane bit her lower lip and then sighed. "I don't know what he feels. It's like talking to ice. I could practice it now I guess.", she looked around. "I don't know how to tell him, that I love him. Truly love him, when he says that it is an useless feeling. When he is around, I feel protected and safe. And I'm not helpless.", Jane shook her head.

She had now arrived by the coconut and took it in her hands. Slowly she moved it from the right to the left hand. Unsure what to do now.

Esmeralda's mounth opened and her eyes widdened: 'A killer!', was she serious? She was so shocked that didn't even noticed Jane's question. She just silently kept track of her with her eyes, listening the young woman talking abou her feelings.

Still looking at Jane, Esmeralda closed her mounth and put one hand on it, wondering how it could be possible for a sweet girl like Jane to fall for a murderer. Her gaze fall down on the coconut and she noticed that her mate seemed to be waiting for her to tell her what to do with the fruit.

Esmeralda shook her head and frowned. "Are you telling me that you fell in love with a murderer and that you feel safe when he's around?" She grabbed the knife which was attached against her thigh and, with a serious look, she showed it to Jane. "Listen, you want to know why I'm always carrying that with me? Because every single man I met in my life proved themself to be absolutly unreliable and/or dangerous. I'm not telling you that falling in love is a bad thing. But a man will always remain a man. They will always have destructive drives and they will always feel superior, as if they could do anything to us without having to fear the consequences. The only way for us, women, to stay safe is not to trust a man but to make them understand that we don't need them and that it would be dangerous for them to hurt us. If you tell him that you love him before even knowing how he will react, you put yourself in a vulnerable position."

Jane shook her head and opened her mouth to answer Esmeralda. But all she felt where the hot tears running down her cheeks. Jane closed her mouth and looked away. She wanted to shout at her and slap her. Her hands clenched to fists, she tried to suppress the tears, but just felt them running down faster. A dark anger grew inside her. It wasn't meant for Esmeralda. It wasn't even meant for anyone who lived on this island or shared his life with Jane. She just... Wanted to scream and shout and tell them it was her life. Every mistake she made was her own. Needed to be made by her.

Jane closed her eyes. The tears run dry and she felt an emptiness inside her that hurt. Why was everyone pushing her around? Why couldn't she just love whom she wanted to give her love? Why? "WHY?", finally that word came out of her mouth in a sudden outburst. The tears, whom she hoped that they got away, came back. Everything. Everything she did seemed pointless to her. It was like she just did what everyone wanted her to do. Like before. Like when they urged her to marry.

That a sentence from someone new in her life, someone she didn't even know well, could make her feel so helpless. Angrily she wiped away her tears. Jane let go of the coconut and it fell with a soft sound on the ground. It didn't matter. Nothing made sense. For the first time she wished Ping hadn't saved her from the jaguar. Being with Shan Yu... Being with everyone had shown her that she missed things in her earlier life. That she wasn't complete.

Jane sat down on the ground. Sure... Men had the power of everything. She had learned it well herself. High society wasn't an easy life. It was hard. As hard as surviving in a jungle. Alone. Jane sighed and stroke back a strain of her hair. "It doesn't matter where you live. In a high society or jungle... Life will kill you inside sooner or later.", she said quietly.

Esmeralda quietly looked at Jane as she was submerged by her emotions. She knew her words had been tough and she knew that Jane was probably hating her now but she didn't regret it. It was necessary; what Jane was feeling now was necessary for her own sake. Though, she was a bit surprised that Jane didn't express her anger outloud or try to hit her. She stood still, looking directly at the young tormented woman, waiting for her to calm down.

She didn't know why, maybe because Jane had been so kind and helpful to her, but Esmeralda had felt like she had to help her mate. Others might have been more delicate by giving her some sweet and comprehensive advices but Esmeralda was persuaded that shocking her was the best way for her words to stay in Jane's mind. Though, when it came to men, she had to admitt that her temperature had a tendency to quickly rise. But she was convinced that everyword she had pronunced was the strict truth.

After the anger came the emptiness. It was normal. Esmeralda had experienced that too, months ago. The sensation of missing something, the questions running through your mind, the overwhelming knowledge that life wasn't fair... She knew it, she knew all of it. But she also knew that it would all gave birth to a new strengh, a strengh that, in her opinion, Jane needed to gain to be able to face the reality and her relationship with this killer she seemed to love.

Jane confirmed Esmeralda's thoughts with the first words she pronounced after having calmed down. She picked up the coconut and walked to Jane, stopping right next to her, facing the ocean. "Yes." She gave her one of the stones she had collected earlier. "Knowing that, you only have to choice: giving up or fighting with all your strengh to survive to your wounds and never get hurt again." She took the last one of the three stones she had gathered and threw it away in the ocean with all the strengh she was able to, shouting.

[OOC: SORRY!!! >.< Every time I wanted to reply, the words just slipped through my hands and my mind went blank. I hope you like this answer, which came to me today.]

Jane looked at the stone in her hand and sighed. She waited till Esmeralda finished her shout and then stood up, walking towards her. Gently she took Esmeralda's hand and put the stone in it, closed it while keeping her hand in hers. "I survived my first fiancé, who was fifty years older than me and his sister. I survived the fact that my next fiancé brought disgrace to me. I learned a profession and lived my own life. I even survived a jaguar attack, when I was all alone.", Jane shook her head. "I was strong enough in my life for now. It's time to have someone I can rely on. Someone who will care for me and with whom I can feel helpless.", she smiled softly.

Jane let go of Esmeralda's hand and looked of the sea. "He maybe made a lot mistakes in his life. But I'm sure, this island changes us. It doesn't need to be a big change. All I know is, that I trust him.", Jane turned her head to Esmeralda. "He might betray me, he might kill me. I had a long life already. There is something inside him that keeps my interest. He might not know it, but I'll be glad to be the one that shows it to him."

[OOC: I know the feeling. I was just starting to worry that my own answer might have been too rough. ]

She wasn't expecting it. When Jane put back the stone in her hand, Esmeralda stared at the stone, then at Jane with a surprised look. Jane's words sounded so true that Esmeralda felt destabilized. After all that the young woman had been through, she still had faith in men? Esmeralda gently squeezed Jane's hands and smiled at her, wondering if Jane's point of view was wisdom or foolishness. But she was impressed by her attitude and kind of grateful for the kindness she was showing her despite all what Esmeralda had just told her.

Immovable, she kept looking at Jane as this one turned to the sea. "You know what? I think you are actually stronger than what I thought... Stronger than I am. I wish I could think like you." She let out a light cought, a bit embarrassed about what she'd just said; it was not really like her to talk like that. "Alright, I'm giving him a chance but he better not miss it. And don't you count on me to let him hurt you!" she added with a fake authoritarian attitude. But she couldn't hide the playful smile which was appearing on her lips.